


False Starts

by Thunderhel



Series: Monster Haus [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Because Dex can take his head off, M/M, Magic AU, mild body horror, monster au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 00:50:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7992502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thunderhel/pseuds/Thunderhel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Request: "One falling asleep with their head in the other's lap." </p><p>Dex had no idea whose idea it has actually been, but the last memory he had was of himself sitting shoulder to shoulder with Nursey in the bottom bunk of the attic. He <i>definitely</i> did not recall curling up in his fellow D-man’s lap and falling asleep. The heat of embarrassment flushed down Dex’s chest, but maybe that was just the natural feeling of his blood warming back up after spending the night cuddling a vampire. </p><p> </p><p>  <i>AU where everything is the same, but they're all monsters.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	False Starts

**Author's Note:**

> An anon asked me for "One falling asleep with their head in the other's lap" for Dex/Nurse in the [Monster Haus AU](http://dexondefense.tumblr.com/tagged/monster-haus). It got weird. There was no way it wasn't going to.

Approximately 38% of the time -Dex knew because he had done the math- Nursey decided to forgo his bed and instead hang upside down in the closet. Though his memory of the previous night was foggy, Dex thought he vaguely recalled Nursey attempting the feat the night before. If his memory was true, and he wasn’t just remembering things as more hilarious than they had actually been, Nursey had made at least three fateful attempts to get himself upside down on his bar, and had come crashing down on a pile of his own shoes each time. 

_“Maybe we should just watch a movie.”_

Dex had no idea whose idea it has actually been, but the last memory he had was of himself sitting shoulder to shoulder with Nursey in the bottom bunk of the attic. The movie had been something animated and light, with bright colors and high voices but beyond that he couldn’t remember much. He _definitely_ did not recall curling up in his fellow D-man’s lap and falling asleep.

In the early morning light he could see the laptop on the floor. Forgotten, its screen was black and a wayward pillow was covering most of the keyboard. The laptop was instantly forgotten as the arm tucked around his chest tightened. The heat of embarrassment flushed down Dex’s chest, but maybe that was just the natural feeling of his blood warming back up after spending the night cuddling a vampire. 

_Cuddling._ He felt his stomach roll at the thought of the word. Actually that was probably just the hangover. At least he didn’t have a headache. And, praise be whatever gods above or below were watching, because he had woken up before Nursey. 

It took Dex a minute to peel himself out of his friend’s particularly clingy grasp without waking him, but the moment he was free he was stumbling towards the door. Despite the lack of pounding in his head, he still felt too light, and his mouth was dryer than he could ever remember. All he needed was a glass of water and maybe a shower and Nursey never had to know that Dex hadn’t made it back to his own bed. 

He still felt cloudy as he descended the stairs, not quite drunk really, just a bit off kilter. It was too early and he was too unsteady of his feet to be thinking too much right now. He had just woken up in his friend’s bed. Curled over his lap. It was no big deal. They had been drinking. Nothing counted when you were drinking. Besides, Nursey was a vampire. He probably appreciated the extra heat a demon could give off. Maybe. Could Nursey feel heat? 

That particular train of thought was taking him somewhere dangerous. Instead he tried to focus on keeping one foot in front of the other as he made his way through the living room. The only other person all ready awake at crack of dawn was Whiskey, though Dex wasn’t fully convinced he ever actually slept. Whiskey’s presence meant that Bitty hadn’t warded the kitchen the previous night. 

“Mornin’” Whiskey greeted without looking up from his phone, and Dex sent what he hoped was a casual wave in his direction. Dex didn’t dislike Whiskey, not exactly. He was, however, still horribly wary of the nephilim ever since they had accidentally touched and he had burned off a significant chunk of Dex’s hand. The healers had gotten it back on, and he assured everyone it was fine, but some things were hard to get over. He sidestepped one of Whiskey’s massive wings, careful not to touch a single feather as he opened the cabinet. 

It was as he was filling his glass of water, watching as one of the Lacrosse trolls jogged across the street, that he felt something. He twitched instinctively as something moved through his hair, but he knew no one was behind him. Despite the oddness of the sensation it was soothing in a way, a calm spreading down through him that hadn’t existed before. He wondered if maybe Bitty was doing something new with the kitchen wards, adding an extra layer of comfort whether he meant to or not. 

Whiskey looked up from his phone at the same time he heard Nursey’s voice ask from behind him. _“Couldn’t bring yourself to leave my bed, could you Poindexter?”_

In the span of about ten seconds, many things happened all at once. 

First, Nursey was not in the kitchen, but Dex had heard him speak from no more than a foot away. 

Second, Dex realized that he was facing the lawn, still watching the troll disappear down the street, but he could also easily see Whiskey. Whiskey, who was seated directly behind him and currently regarding him with a crease in his brow. In fact, Dex could see the entire way around the room and out the window without moving at all.

And Whiskey had wings. 

Whiskey always had wings, Dex knew this, but they didn’t exist on their plane of reality. They existed in one slightly to the left, as Dex often categorized it, but while Dex was one of the only other people able to see Whiskey’s wings, there was a very specific condition required for that to be able to happen. 

All grogginess was forgotten as Dex was snapped awake with the force of a whip and he briefly heard Whiskey ask “How are you going to drink that?” before he dropped the glass in the sink and was booking it as fast as he could across the kitchen. 

He knew he had felt lighter, he just hadn’t realized it had been literally 12 pounds missing off of his shoulders.

He cleared the kitchen in two strides, ignoring Whiskey’s yelp of shock, but thankful for how quickly he whipped his wing out of the way. Upstairs, Dex opened his eyes just as his foot hit the first stair and was instantly overwhelmed with the feeling of seeing two separate rooms at once. Living in the attic had seemed like a great idea at the time, but he hadn’t fully considered the two sets of stairs he would have to run up when he inevitably forgot his head in his best friend’s lap. 

In the attic, Dex blinked, trying to look left and right without moving his head from its position, propped up against Nursey’s chest. Nursey it seemed had yet to comment on Dex’s lack of anything below the neck, and was currently carding his fingers delicately through Dex’s hair. For one calming second, Dex allowed himself to get lost in the feeling, his breath catching as Nursey’s thumb skimmed along the shell of his ear. 

He was brought crashing back to the horror of the situation, quite literally, as just outside the door his foot caught and his body crashed against stairs. Nursey’s body jerked in surprise and Dex winced.

“Nurse-” Dex didn’t get to finish that thought before Nursey Dex felt something hard connect with the back of his head before his forehead hit the floor with a hard thud. “Fuck! Ow.” 

“Shit!” Nursey hissed, sitting up right, or at least Dex assumed he sat up right since he was currently split between staring uselessly at the ugly clearance rug they had drug up, and even more uselessly at the rickety old attic stairs outside. 

“Oh fuck, uh, sorry man.” Nursey stood up, and for a horrible moment Dex thought he might be considering picking his head up. 

“DO NOT TOUCH ME!” Righting himself, Dex managed to get his body on his feet and open the door with far less force than he had used to race up the stairs. Crossing the room he ignored Nursey’s hands raised in defense. As calmly and with as much dignity as he could muster he picked his head off the ground and dusted off his hair. Strands of hair were standing up every which way, making him look like a cross between an electrocution victim and a failed hair stylist. There wasn’t much he could salvage just standing in the middle of the room and trying to ignore his roommate. 

“Uh, sorry I...smacked your head across the room,” Nursey said. Dex wished that was the first time he had heard that sentence. “I didn’t mean to, I just thought you were there and then you weren’t and I panicked and didn’t put it together fast enough-”

“It’s fine,” Dex interrupted, trying to spare himself the humiliation more so than Nursey. 

Clearing his throat he did his best to ignore Nursey, checking his head for marks (of which he found many and realized he did not know what to do with that information) and finally placed it back on his shoulders. He took his time tucking his spine back into place, just to have something to do other than look at his flabbergasted friend. Another painful pause permeated the room as Dex considered everything terrible he had done in his life that had lead him to this moment.

“So,” Nursey drawled out after another minute ticked by. He raised his hands in a failing attempt at casual, “you just decided...I think I’ll leave my head in Nursey’s bed this morning?” 

From somewhere in the direction of the vents, Dex distinctly heard the sound of far off giggling. He thought maybe there could be something else Mandy and Jenny were laughing at, but he knew that was just wishful thinking. 

“Uh.” Dex had many failings, both as a Dullahan and just being a person in general. One such failing was his inability to admit to the existence of any failings. Especially when it came to being a Dullahan. His constant struggle to keep his head on his shoulders was no secret to anyone who had spent more than ten minutes with him, and yet he refused to admit it was an issue. “Yeah,” he lied, knowing with absolute certainty that Nursey knew it was one. 

Nursey raised an eyebrow with a level of precision Dex would never be able to achieve. “Really?”

“Yes.” Dex nodded, biting the inside of his cheek to keep his expression straight. His face was burning. If he survived this embarrassment he was going to have to fill up the bathroom sink with water and leave it in there to cool off while he took a shower. It was actually a relatively common practice of his - not that he would ever admit that to anyone. 

“Why?” 

“Uh, why?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Uh.” This time, the disembodied giggling was not as subtle. “I don’t know man, you were petting my hair and you seemed so chill, and you’re always bitching me out for fucking with your chill or whatever, and I had to piss so I, just...left my head with you.” It was the actual worst answer he could have given. It was at least a hundred times more embarrassing of an answer than the actual truth. Dex suddenly wished he had paid more attention to his mother’s lessons on shadow traveling. He could really use a shadow to disappear into right about now. 

Nursey narrowed his eyes. “You...didn’t want to upset my chill?”

“Yeah. You’re super fucking annoying when that happens.” 

Nursey crossed his arms. There was a crease on his forehead Dex recognized from when he got stuck on a particular difficult assignment. “You fuck up my chill literally every fucking day and it has never once bothered you.” 

“Well...I was drunk.”

“You were drunk ten minutes ago?” 

“...Yes.” 

Nursey’s mouth twisted to the side, like he was trying not to laugh. Dex wondered if he threw himself down the stairs if it would kill him. He knew it wouldn’t, and besides if he killed himself in the Haus he would be stuck with Jenny and Mandy for eternity. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that kind of ghostly commitment. 

“That makes sense,” Nursey finally decided, his features smoothing back into that look of relaxed and smug satisfaction that always made Dex want to put his fist through a wall. “I mean, it is the only time you ever let me get my hands on you.” 

Dex made a noise that might have been a sputter and might have been a growl at the indignity of the statement. Unfortunately, he didn’t have many facts on his side of back up any sort of counter argument. Or maybe he did, if Nursey gave him ten minutes to prepare a statement.

“But you must have liked it then, right?” Nursey continued, his smirk growing despite Dex’s silent cursing. 

_“What?”_ Dex all but hissed. 

Nursey continued as if he hadn’t noticed the venom in the question. “Well, drunk or chill or no, you would never go out of your way to let me keep doing something to you that you didn’t like.”

Shadow travel was useless, he should have let his older brother teach him to curse souls. Nursey had a soul, he was positive. Somewhere in there. 

Dex opted not to respond to Nursey’s goading, balling his hands into fists at his sides and grinding his teeth in an attempt to not just punch his roommate in the face. His reaction only seemed to egg Nursey on, but he had the good sense not to turn his back as he took a step back to the bed, dropping down on it when he legs hit the mattress.

“So come back to bed then.”

The heat in Dex’s face and in his hands was beginning to manifest, sparking from just warmth into actual fire as tiny flames licked out between his tightly curled fingers. He could feel the fire rising up his chest, trying to force itself out between the break in his neck and threatening to rise up over his tongue. At the question he felt his anger stumble, but the fire pushed harder. When his mouth fell open in shock he thought he saw a whisp smoke out of the corner of his eye.

“What?” He asked, trying to swallow the fire back down before Nursey saw it.

“If you were drunk ten minutes ago you are drunk now,” Nursey reasoned, picking the laptop up off the floor and plugging it back in. His eyes weren’t on Dex anymore, and instead locked purposefully on the screen. His customary cocky grin was still in place, but it looked strained around the edges, like he was forcing it to stay in place. “And I am obviously smashed,” he continued, shooting Dex a quick “so I think we should just take advantage of not having practice today and finish our movie.”

The flames in Dex’s throat were stirring with his growing confusion but not rising or receding. “What?” He finally managed, only realizing after he said it out loud that it was the only word he had managed for the past five minutes. “I mean,” he blinked a moment, trying to think of a better phrasing, “what?”

Nursey closed his eyes a moment, pressing two fingers against his temple like Dex was the one being confusing and annoying right now. “Come here, or you’re gonna fuck up my chill and all of your hard work will be for nothing.”

Dex was going to have a permanent mark on the inside of his cheek as his ground his teeth down, dragging his feet as he made his way to the bed. Nursey was grinning up at him, fangs on full display as he patted the spot on the mattress next to him. As slowly as he could manage, silently trying to make sure Nursey knew exactly how angry he was, Dex sunk down into the spot, growling under his breath as Nursey bumped their shoulders together.

“No, this isn’t going to work,” Nursey decided after a moment of fidgeting.

“Yeah, okay, so I’ll just-“ Before Dex could finish that sentence, Nursey was turning, flopping down onto his side and throwing his legs over Dex’s still hanging over the edge of the bed. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Lay down,” Nursey instructed.

“I’m not spooning you to a Disney movie.”

“Is there a genre you would spoon me to?”

“I hate you so fucking much.”

“Come on,” Nursey groaned, fingers hovering over the play button. He threw his head back against his pillow with a certain kind of dramatic flair that was only achievable by the undead. “Work with me, Poindexter. I’m working with you!” He reminded him.

“I’m not sure it counts as working with it if you bring attention to what you’re working with,” Dex countered, getting more animated as his palms itched with the threat of fire once more.

“If I could take a deity’s name in vain, I would. Now just lay the fuck down.”

Dex grumbled out a curse under his breath as he relented, pushing Nursey’s legs off of him so he could lay down next to him. He was lowering himself down, still propped up on one elbow when Nursey turned to face him, and reached out to cup his hands under Dex’s jaw. 

Dex, not for the first time that morning, froze. The fire cooling in his throat jumped to life, the familiar burn racing across his tongue, and still up further behind his eyes and down his scalp. Nursey’s palms were cool against the burning pulse points on his neck, and his icy fingers were ghosting along Dex’s ears and into his hair.

When Nursey leaned forward the motion brought Dex’s face even closer to his. Dex was certain his eyes had to be made of nothing but pure fire at that moment, his mouth hanging open uselessly as his heart slammed against his chest. Nursey’s face was so close he could feel his cold breath against the flames on his own lips when he spoke.

“Do not catch my bed on fire.” He smirked, a dangerous and deadly thing that Dex had grown accustom to ignoring. “Unless-“

“Don’t you fucking finish that sentence,” Dex warned, his voice dropped into a whisper though he couldn’t recall making that decision.

Nursey’s fangs were bright in the early morning light and for one dizzying and terrifying moment Dex was certain he was going to kiss him. Just as Dex accepted his bizarre fate, trying to force his burning eyes closed, Nursey leaned away again. As Dex faltered, trying to understand what was happening, Nursey took advantage of the confusion and forced his fingers hard into the back of Dex’s skull – and pulled his head off.

“NURSEY WHAT THE FUCK-“

“Dude, chill-“

“GIVE ME MY HEAD BACK-“

“No, wait, Dex listen-“

“YOU COUNT CHOCULA SON OF A BITCH-“

“STOP FIGHTING!” Nursey’s grip on the back of Dex’s skull was tight as he held him one handed, leaning over the bed to try to get away from Dex’s reaching arms. “LISTEN! DO NOT SET ME ON FIRE!”

Dex snarled, but the flames didn’t die down.

“Listen,” Nursey panted. Dex knew he didn’t need to breath, the drama queen. “This is the best way to watch a movie, trust me, I’ve thought it through. Just calm down. Tell your body to lay down.”

“It’s just my body you dumbass, it’s not another person.”

“Okay.” Nursey turned to look at the headless body behind him, still trying to reach out for its own head. “Lay down, take a break, I’ve got this.”

Dex rolled his eyes. “That’s not-“ He was cut off as Nursey cautiously brought his head back onto the bed. He contemplated for a moment just punching Nursey in the face and taking his head back, but before that plan could fully be thought out, Nursey’s other hand was pushing through his hair again.

“My severed head is not a cat,” he complained as Nursey placed his head on the bed just in front of the screen. The fire was dying down now, curling back in on itself in his chest and behind his tongue as he forced himself to cool down.

“Of course not,” Nursey agreed, scratching down along his scalp.

“This is the dumbest fucking thing you’ve ever done,” he continued as his body lay back down behind Nursey and the movie began to play.

“It’s saving space,” Nursey argued, resting his head on his free arm. “And I’m drunk, remember? Give me a break.”

Dex rolled his eyes but tried to relax. He needed more practice leaving his head off on purpose, and if he had to suffer through Nursey petting his hair to do it, it was a sacrifice he had to make.

_/\\_ _X_ _/\\_

 _“Isn’t that just the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?”_ Mandy asked, her voice and apparition invisible to both boys as they focused on their movie.

 _“I mean…it is the weirdest flirting I’ve ever seen.”_ Jenny crossed her arms, looking uncertainly at the display before her.

_“Yeah, that’s what I said.”_

_“No it wasn’t.”_

_“Same thing.”_

“You know,” Nursey began after almost an hour of silence, drawing both girls’ attention away from each other.

 _“This is gonna be cute,”_ Mandy whispered, though her commentating was all ready silent to the boys unless she chose to make it known.

_“It’s gonna be dumb.”_

_“That’s what I said!”_

“One part of you,” Nursey reached behind him to pat Dex’s thigh, “is on this side of me, and another part of you,” he patted Dex’s hair, “is on this side.”

Dex narrowed his eyes, glancing to his right like he might be able to see Nursey’s face without moving. “Yeah, I am aware.”

“So…I’m basically inside of you.”

_“Oh no.”_

Dex’s narrowed eyes blinked and relaxed into something more like exasperation for a second. For a moment, Nursey’s pleased expression seemed to suggest he had gotten away with his ribbing. Suddenly and without warning Dex’s arms sprang to life, wrapping around Nursey’s neck and jerking back hard.

Nursey exclaimed in shock, not fully a word but a mix of hard consonants and a high pitched wail as his own hands reached up to claw desperately at the arms attempting to choke him out. His legs kicking out in desperation, landing hard on Dex’s, but it seemed to have no effect. Flailing madly in the iron demonic grip holding him in place, Nursey opened his mouth, fangs barred as he tried to free himself. Whatever Nursey was trying to say was lost as Dex tightened his grip, wrestling him hard back against the bed.

Jenny cocked her head, rotating slowly in midair to look at Mandy.

The other phantom sighed, all ready sinking down through the attic floor. _“I’ll go get Eric…”_

Jenny took one last look at the two hockey players’ violent wrestling match. For all the activity happening behind him, Dex’s head seemed uninterested, his eyes still watching the movie with a tired sort of indifference. She shook her head as she began to sink, following Mandy down onto the lower floors and spoke clearly so both of them would hear her over the scuffle.

“ **Morons. **”****

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry about this entire AU. It, like most things I do, was a joke that got entirely too out of hand. All grievances can be addressed [Here](http://dexondefense.tumblr.com), and the rest of the AU can be found [Here](http://dexondefense.tumblr.com/tagged/monster-haus). This is completely unedited by anyone other than myself, so if you see any mistakes please let me know.


End file.
